KAVITHE

Hi one and all. Been long since I posted anything worthwhile. Ok, anything at all. So that's why I post here this poem that I wrote when I was in my 2nd PUC or 12th as some people say. Its in Kannada. And guess what.? It fetched me 2nd prize in the competition.

What big deal you ask..??

Its a big deal indeed I say. Its like Rakhi Sawant being awarded for her Acting skills. :D

ರೈನ್ ರೈನ್ ಗೋ ಅವೆ

ಆಕಾಶದ ಕಡೆ ನೋಟ
ಮಳೆ ಬರುವುದು ಎಂಬ ಆಸೆ
ಒಣಗಿದ ಬೆಳೆಯ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಚಿಂತೆ
ಸಾಲ ಹೇಗೆ ತೀರಿಸುವುದು ಎಂಬ ಆಲೋಚನೆ
ಮುರಿದು ಹೋದ ಕನಸುಗಳು
ಒಣಗಿ ಹೋದ ಹೊಟ್ಟೆಗಳು
ಭವಿಷ್ಯದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಭಯ
ಮಳೆಯನ್ನು ನಿರೀಕ್ಷಿಸಿ ಕುಳಿತಿದ್ದ ರೈತ.
ಹೀಗೆ ಇರುವಾಗ, ತನ್ನ ಪುಟ್ಟ ಮಗನ
ಸಂತೋಷ ಗಾನ
"ರೈನ್ ರೈನ್ ಗೋ ಅವೆ"

You thought I would leave you with a poem in a language which most of you dont understand..? You Dumb-ass..!!  Ya I like to show-off. But that is not the intention behind this post. I posted this poem as my FB status few days back and since my friends who did not understand the language, wanted to know the meaning, I tried to translate it using Google translator. And this what it translated it as.

Rain Rain Go Away

Side view of the sky
Rain coming from the desire
Worry about the dry crop
How does the idea of ​​debt tirisuvudu
Went broke Dreams
Sear hottegalu
About the fear of the future
Farmers wait for rain and sitting.
Thus, while his little son
Pleased with regina
"Rain, Rain Go Away"

This is like the Kolaveri version of my poem. :P
And who the Hell is Regina..??

P.S: Kavithe means poetry in Kannada..:-)

Diwali Celebration

Lots of commotion(didn't find a better word to describe it) at office. Deepavali celebrations is being organised with Floor decoration, Ethnic wear, Rangoli and other things. I'm not that guy who actively participates in these kind of activities, unless threatened at gunpoint or a pretty lass comes by and asks for some help. I would better go to sleep on my desk. That's why I slid down my chair and made sure that no one noticed me being free. But damn, few people have Hawk-eyes. They made me drape all the pillars with shiny orange cloth.

Oh yeah. On the theme part. They have given our floor the Kadamba. What..?? You do not know Kadambas..?? You gotta be kidding me. Kadamba.. The Kadamba Dynasty. The empire which ruled the Karnataka region during 345-525 A.D. Ok I wiki-ed the year part. But still. You must be remembering something from your primary school History class. Ok forget it. They have given us the Kadamba dynasty. And the floor colour is Yellow. So they have pasted this yellow cellophane papers across all the lights. Now it feels like the whole floor has got Jaundice.

Wait a moment.

Sorry for the interruption. Some guy asked me to decorate my cubicle. With flowers. My cubicle now looks like a First-night room. I always wondered about the cubicles. Particularly that of women. They have this teddy bears, printed coffee mugs, paper weights, cactus, interesting key-chains, pics of theirs/friend's/brother's/sister's/neighbor's babies, plastic flowers, pen stand with pens of all colors and other God-knows-what things. My(or in general a guy's) cubicle looks like a barren land when compared to theirs. Just a paper with short-cut keys for vim and linux commands. What was God thinking when he created Eve. Hmmph. Only God knows.

When I went to get coffee, I saw that the whole pantry was transformed into a Rangoli pitch/field. It looked superb. I could have been of some help. Now drop that raised eye-brows. Ya I can draw Rangoli. Better than most girls. Especially the Pulli-kolam(I do not know what they call it in other languages. Its a form of rangoli where you first keep the dots, then you connect them or interlace them using various patterns creating various designs. Google is acting a little weird today, I will post the pic later). If I had participated in any Rangoli competition, I would have given the girls a run for their money. But I thought that it would be too Gay to do that. And when did Sherwani become ethnic wear for South-Indian men..? Stupid, I say.

Do you know whats the most difficult thing at a work place. No, its not working for 12 or 14 or 16hrs that's difficult. It's when you don't have any work and still have to act like you are very busy with lotsa work, that my Friend, is the most difficult thing. I feel guilty sometimes. They pay me so much, and I'm sitting here, blogging and ridiculing their efforts to make us happy and comfortable.

Whatever..!!

This is my 3rd post in the last 3 days. Kinda record for me. Hope I keep up the good work...:-)

P.S: Google is acting really weird. Its throwing up lots of Errors. If possible I will post this today(21st Oct) orelse there's always another day. I'm not launching rockets after all..;-)

The Buzzzzzing BEE

Aahh. Have you ever experienced the feeling where you are constantly under disturbance. Its not annoyance mind it. Just disturbance. That's what I have been experiencing since few days. To say exactly since the past 3-4 days. Its like you are sitting in a park trying to think hard about something but suddenly a bee comes by, Buzzing around.
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"...
"zzzzzzzzzzz"...
"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"...

You just flicker your hand to shoo off the bee and then again it comes back buzzing.
"zzzzzzzzzzzz"...
"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"...
"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"...

Its just pure disturbance. Not letting me think about anything. And I'm unable to catch this bee and kill it or atleast catch it, put it in a box and throw it far away. Its all fully disturbed for me right now. Ok now let me rant about few things here.

My seating location was changed for the fourth time in the last 40 days. It was actually my entire team. But still. At first my cubicle was beside 2 pretty things. Then they said they were doing some re-ordering and sent our entire team to a small lab on the below floor. That lab was smaller than an average Computer lab in a High school. Then they scattered us all around that floor. Then they called us back to our previous floor. And my manager made me sit in a cubicle that is beside his. As though its gonna bother me..;-) And then he went on-site.

The irritating part here is, once you sit in a place it takes time to get accustomed to the environment. To find out all the good looking women on that floor and know their locations and the distance between you and the nearest good looking one. When I'm done with all this things, they pull me out of there and throw me in a new place. Aarghhhh.

I have been wanting to write a lot. But instead of writing I end up reading. Its the blog I'm talking about. Not that I dont have ideas to write. I'm a bit lazy. Ok, much more than bit.  What..?? Ok I'm a lazy-ass who doesn't even move his bum right to left. I know you are no less. But the thing is, even before writing I start thinking What to write..? How to write..? When to write..? And end up not writing at all. I didn't even have much work at office lately.

So I end up reading blogs whenever I feel like writing a post. Then I made up my mind yesterday and posted this. Not that I posted something good. But something is always better than nothing, isn't it.? I still want to write more. And keep the promise I made to my blog. But then who cares. I also need to change its look. I'm getting bored with it. But not now. I'm very much disturbed.

Ah..!! The happy part. I'm leaving for home tomorrow, for Deepavali. Will be a week long holiday. In case any of you read this before Deepavali, here you go "Happy Deepavali"..:-) Wear new dress, eat lotsa sweets, light lotsa diyas, burst crackers, burn your fingers. Ok not the last one. But have a blast. I shall go home, catch that bee, tie it to a Rocket and send it away to the skies. And by the way, theres a love story coming around. Keep reading. :-)

My favorite Jingles.

I know people get hooked to songs. But ads..?? Yes they do. And I'm one of them. By Ads I mean jingles. In the present day scenario where each and everything is advertised to such an extent that they get on to your nerve, we don't even want to remember those ads after a few moments. But few, very few of them get your attention. And even fewer of them get etched into your memory forever. The sudden spurt of happiness you get when you see or hear them is just priceless.

          So some of the ads which caught my attention and will always remain etched in my memory due to their catchy tunes are as follows in the order of their priority.

1. This ones a gem. I'm not a regular Tea/Coffee guy. But if my Coffee is served with this ambiance every morning and this jingle playing in the background. I dont mind becoming a Coffee addict.

               


2. Ah. I just love this song. I can mumble it all day long and still be not bored by it. But there was a time when I had a HUTCH prepaid connection and every time I called their Customer care, they used to make me wait with this song running in loop, like for infinity. Now that bitterness has turned into a sweet love..:-)

               
In case you too wanna mumble it, here's the lyrics.

                             You and I, in this beautiful world, 

                                   Green grass, blue skies,
                                    In this beautiful world
                      You and I, winding lanes as streams go by,
                             You and I, in this beautiful world...

3. Very few ads connect rightly with their theme. If a soft-drink says Limca-Do Pal Taazgi, then this coveys it the best way. And Adah Sharma looks too good to be described in few words.

               

4. This is one among those which leaves you wanting more. I can never get enough of it.

               

5. How can this list be complete without the famous Airtel ad with Rahman in it. But it made only to the last position. Thats due to the overuse of it. I have never seen a jingle exploited to such level.

               

       There are still many others, but these are my top 5. And I like them just for their Jingles(or to say, for their music), nothing else...:-)

I'm Hungry..!!

It was 11:00 p.m. Sahil was dropped at his house by the office cab. He lived there with his friend. But his friend was not at home that day. He went to his native to attend his cousin’s marriage, 2 days ago. He would be coming the next morning. Sahil hurried up to his house in the second floor. He unlocked the door quickly and got in. He went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to find something to eat. Only the empty bottles of Teacher’s Choice, Signature, Blackdog and others stood there. He found a little amount of Sprite left in a bottle. Quickly grabbed it and poured it in his mouth.

“Did it even wet my tongue”? He thought.

It was late. All the restaurants were closed while he was returning in the cab. Even the road side eateries were not there. He thought he could find something at home. Ankit always kept something to eat at home.

“Oh, what shall I do now”? He thought again. He was hungry beyond he could explain. Then he filled a glass full of water, dumped lots of sugar in it, stirred and drank it in a gulp.

“May be this will hold that Hunger-demon for a while”, he said to himself. He then went and hit the bed.

The clock struck 12. Sahil woke up and sat on the bed and gave a huge grunt. The pain was unbearable. The sweetness of sugar was no match for the audacity of the Hunger-demon. He felt like someone was playing with a flail in his stomach. He got up and went into the kitchen again. He searched all the containers to find something that he could eat. He found nothing but sugar, salt, oil and other things but nothing which he can cook. He gave a deep thought about something.

He then lit the stove and placed a kadai on it, poured oil into that. He left it to heat up. Then he prepared a marinade with whatever he could find in the kitchen. He mixed it well. Just when the oil was about to boil, he smeared the marinade over his hands and dipped them into the kadai. He simmered it around in the kadai. After 5mins he took them out. They were perfectly cooked, like a deep fried chicken. He took it to his nose and smelled it.

“Perfect”, he said. Then he took a bite of it.

“Oh My God.!!", shuddered Sahil on his bed gasping for air.

“What kind of dream was that?”, he thought. He was shivering and sweating profusely. His throat went dry. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and suddenly felt something different. He switched on the lights. His blood Froze when he saw his “Deep fried hands”.

SUPERORGANISMS

I myself do not know why or what I’m posting. May be just to keep the promise I made to my blog that I will regularly be in contact with him. So let’s dissect this post a little. WHY am I posting this..?? Well you see, facebook has been blocked at my office since last week. And there haven’t been any BUGS recently to bug me. And I can’t leave the office without completing 9hrs. There you go, 9hrs at office without work or facebook. What else to do. And I think someone said, “Make hay while the sun shines”. So you got the answer for WHY.

                

                    Now lets come to WHAT. But explaining what I’m posting here becomes the WHAT part here. Kind of a Paradox isn’t it..?? Ok lets not digress. Then I thought maybe I could post something here. So what shall I post? See I have this habit of Googling about random things. When I say random, its Random. Anything under, above or around the sun, even a few light years away from it. About people, places, events, softwares, movies, just about anything. But then, I didn’t search anything on Google today. And when I thought about searching something on it nothing came to my mind which was worth searching.

                

                   Then it struck me. The incident that happened today morning. I got up as usual at 6:30 a.m. cursing myself for not being a Sanyasi. Then started with my morning chores. As I was carrying on with my business, I saw these ants. The small black ones that don’t bite you.  They sometimes steal your sugar from your shelves. Those ants. As they were moving along the wall they seemed like they were dashing/colliding with each other. Like they were blindfolded and couldn’t see who was coming in front of them. But then they didn’t seem like they were dashing/colliding with each other. It looked like they were greeting each other.

                

                  Not that I never noticed this before but it never intrigued me so much. May be this was the first time I noticed this while in loo. It’s the place where you are all by yourself. Your fortress of solitude. The place where your past comes as slideshows, your present feels pleasant and your future looks clear. If it was Banyan tree for Buddha, it’s the loo for many of us. So I sat there wondering why they did so. But as it was getting late for the office I had to flush the toilet as well my thoughts then.

                

                 So I typed on Google, “Why do ants touch each other while moving”. Tingggg came the results. As I dwelled through them I came to know that it was their way of communicating. Their way of telling the other ant that the route they are following it safe, that they could find the food there or its waste following the path. Its how they pass on the message from one ant to the other. Their primary mode of communication is through smell. The different combination of chemicals specifies different commands. And these commands are followed obediently by each one of them. Have you ever observed that when you pull an ant out of its line it somehow again falls back into the line. This is due to the trail of chemicals left behind by the other ants. They are highly organizational creatures.

                

                 Coming to the point. What is that I’m trying to say.? Nothing. Or may be theres something we all can learn from those tiny ants. Discipline, Obedience, Trust, Helpfulness and Teamwork. They are such small beings yet so good at these basic characteristics that a Human should possess. But guess how many of us possess at least a few of those..?? I will let you answer that…

                

                So, from shit to philosophy. Wonder how strange this human mind works. Anyways let’s not get too serious. I don’t want the Joker come ask me “Whyyy so Seriousss”..?? :-)

NOTHING BUT SHIT

    If you gonna read this I better clarify that theres nothing in this post that you would want to read. Its just that I felt really sorry for my blog. Wait, hold on for a second. I do have something to tell. I wanted to tell this for a very long while. I saw that everyone has a welcome post or something of that sort explaining why they are writing, what sort of things you can find in their blogs and blah blah blah... But I realized that I do not have one. But there’s nothing of that sort for me. I just started writing because I wanted a way to vent out my frustration and anger over a particular incident (read my first post). And I myself do not have any idea about what I want to write or what I’m gonna write. So there it goes, full on action from the very start. Absolutely no bullshit.

                 Yeah, coming back to ‘Feeling sorry for my blog’ part. I really do feel very bad for my blog. Its like inviting one of your friends to home because you are bored and then leaving him behind as another friend of yours invited you to their house. If I were my blog I would have been really pissed. Sorry mate.  So this post is for my beloved blog. Not for me, not for those few people who peek into you to see what nonsense I have written, not to make full use of the 1Mbps connection that I have got at home, not for anything else. Its just for you. This is what I can do for all the things you have given me (?!?!?!?).

                  And from now on I will try to be regularly in touch with you. This is difficult for me but, I promise that I will find time to complete all those half written posts and make sure that they see the light of day. Even though there are a million things that I want to tell you, I’m presently out of time. And also theres a team meeting which I need to attend in about 12mins. So this is all I can tell you in this short span of time.  So take care till I catch up with you the next time.

P.S: “Nothing but Shit” is a title inspired from an album of Ilaiyaraja called “Nothing but Wind”. Please do listen to it if you find time and if you like to listen to a Violin talking.

A GUY'S STORY-2030

It was a normal day in B'lore in December 2030, the climate was somewhat chilly at 42 degree Celsius. Vishnu returned to home from office by 5.30 pm. There was an unusual silence at home considering the usual greetings and inquiries by his parents. The girl they were in talks with had rejected him, he found out the reason for their silence. He went over to his parents, took their hands in his and consoled them saying, "Don't worry, I can wait until you find the right girl. There is no urgency. After all I too need time and I want to spend as much time as possible with my parents".

                

                 But Srikanth knew that his son was speaking those word only to console them. He knew that his son was crying every night in his bedroom holding his pillow. Who wouldn't..? For this is the 8th girl rejecting him. And he is not getting any younger. All his friends are married or going to get married. It was sometimes unbearable for Srikanth to face his son when he gets a wedding invitation from one of his friends. But what can he do, neither can they afford the high demands for dowry the girl's parents ask nor is his son too handsome for a girl to marry him without any expectations. He always thought that his wife's niece would marry his son. But she chose to marry a guy from a well-to-do family who had a Doctorate, looked extremely handsome and paid her a heavy dowry. The guy even knows how to cook. So much for a girl who doesn't have a degree, does not wanna work and never entered the kitchen. What if the girl has a degree, goes for work, can cook and also can look after the children. Only TATAs, BIRLAs n AMBANIs could afford such a Daughter-in-law.

                 His worries got bigger every other day. Every year's population estimation spelt doom on so many young men's lives. Many parents were worried whether their sons will ever get married in their entire life. The skewed sex ratio of 1000:532 meant half of the men went to grave with "Remained Virgin" written on their epitaph. And many girls deciding to take up spiritual path and few the L-path meant few more men writing the "Remained Virgin" on their epitaph too. The experiment to create female babies through surrogate machines bore no success. Even if it does, the female children created through the process will be available for marriage only after 20yrs.

                 And news about men trying to get sex change operation done from some cheap hospital in Malaysia or Bangkok has become a routine. And boys tying the knot with boys has become a norm with gaymatrimony.com becoming the second largest matrimonial site. The statistics show that the there's sudden rise in the demand for gay porn in the last few years. Parents too readily accept gay marriages sometimes. For writing "Been Happy n Gay" would be better than "Remained Virgin". And last year Dostana 10 was the highest grosser in the Indian film industry's history. Today's news had that a woman fetched a record $1 Billion to be a surrogate mother for a gay couple.

                  Even the VHPs and Rama Senes have stopped opposing the gay marriages. They thought that a guy marrying a guy was far more better than a guy marrying an animal and they would never allow it. Srikanth was OK if his son chose to marry a boy, he even spoke to his wife about it. But he always knew his son was as straight as an arrow.

                 But he also had something to cheer about. The Indian Govt. has decided to pass a bill making the Sex determination the highest punishable act in Indian Judiciary system. They even announced schemes where a family with a single girl child will get many govt. benefits, with 2 girl children they would get full govt. support for job, living, house, education and healthcare. And one can only fantasize about such a fortune if one has more than 2 girl children. And couples trying for a girl child and giving birth to more than 3 male children will be sent out of the country.

                 The crime against women was almost nil. With groom paying the dowry now, there's no problem of dowry harassment. One cannot risk raping a girl, for she could be a potential wife to a man, and one man would not want to spoil another man's life/wife. Also there are many cases of Live-in-Dual or Multi relationships, where a single unmarried woman stays with more than one man and chooses one lucky guy among them to marry. Few even call it the "Return of Mahabaratha" or "Draupadi Style".

                 But every cloud has a silver lining, so does his son, thought Srikanth. His dear friend spoke to him about a girl. He still had high hopes about this one. The girl does not have very high demands. She is against taking dowry. She is Ok even if his son doesn't have a Doctorate, hasn't studied in any of the 108 IITs or 69 IIMs or hasn't gone to Uganda to do MS. She is even OK with his average looks and dark complexion. She just wants her future husband to cook well. But that's the worrisome part. Because every-time Vishnu tried cooking, he either burnt his hands or the food. Sometimes even his parent's stomach. But there's God and he would help my son, Srikanth said to himself. All these he thought with a small unfulfilled wish, "WHAT IF I HAD HAD A GIRL CHILD".

fbmatrimony.com

Ananthakrishnan : Hi young man how r u..?

Me : Hi.. I’m doing fine. How abot u..?

AK : Thanks for asking. I’m fine. Seems like u are moving to a new job.

Me : Ya. In 2 weeks time.

AK : Thats good to hear.

Me : Well. Thank You.

AK : So how much are they paying you.

Me :  Almost double the present .

AK : U must be really happy.

Me : Ya kind of.

AK : Kind of..? When I was ur age I earned 10% of what u earn today.

Me : Well back then cost of living was 5% of wat it is today isn’t it..?

AK : You are a smart lad. Aren’t  you?

Me : :-)

AK : So how are your parents?

Me : Dey r doin fine.

AK : Is your dad on fb?

Me : No he is not. He is not dat much into computers and other electronic gadgets u see.

AK : Does he have a mobile at least.?

Me : Ya he does.

AK : Whats his no.

Me : ???

AK : Oh. I’m not your Principal. You can give his no. I would like to speak to such a Smart young man’s dad someday. :-)

Me : 9986161303

AK : So what next?

Me : Next..?

AK : Ya next. What next after moving to your new job. Your future plans, about getting married, settling down. Those things.

Me : R u kiddin me. Isn't dis too early to think about such things.  Forget abot looking aftr some1 els, I consider myself to be too young to even look aftr myself. And I luv my bed too much to share it with some1 els, atlest for now.

AK : This generation is too afraid to take up responsibilities. I tell you, time will fly away even before you realise it. Then you will have to marry someone just for the sake of it.

Me : But still.

AK : But once you find that right person you wont talk like this.

Me : I’m happy I din find one. Also I don intend to do so for the next few years.

AK : U need not. Sometimes they find you.

Me : I don think some1 wud be so dumb to think I’m a right person.

AK : You are not just Smart. You are funny too.

Me : If U say so.

AK : My elder brother has a daughter, she’s in her 3^rd year of engg. She too is very smart like you.

Me : Oh.

AK : She too plans to join the IT industry after finishing her degree.

Me : Gud.

AK : My brother plans to get her married after her engg.

Me : Gud again.

AK : I was just thinking....

Me : about..?

AK : what a beautiful COUPLE you both would make.

***********************************FUCK*****************************************

No. No way is this happening to me. Now I was able to connect to all those dots. All his questions and queries. What a fool I was and I am. I couldn't believe this was happening for real. For a moment I thought it was a dream. But it wasn't. The next thing I did was to Unfriend him. Thank God I gave him a wrong number.

                And for you Mr.Ananthakrishnan, I have not even given my parents the privilege of finding me a Life partner. So you need not worry about it. And who knows, your elder brother’s daughter might have already found a potential partner for herself or I hope she is smart enough to find him for herself in the future. So you need not worry about her too. And for Devil’s sake this is not a Matrimonial site, its fcuking Social Networking one. Stop misusing it. Thank God none suggested this idea to Zuckerberg.

                

                May be this was God's way of getting back at me for ogling at the pics of all those unknown girls. But then I learnt my lesson. Not to add people on fb whom I do not know. Atleast those who are not of my age group.

JUST FOR ONE EXTRA BEDROOM

As the dream of most parents I had acquired a job as a software Engineer and joined a company based in USA, it was as if a dream had come true. Here at last I was in the place where I wanted to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about five years, which would be sufficient to have earned enough money to settle down in India. My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat. I wanted to do something more than him. I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards.

            Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald"s and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the rupee value went down. Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of leave and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying shopping for gifts for all my relatives and friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks.

             After reaching home I spent one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate. In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I wouldn't get more holidays soon and they could not wait long. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, we (I was lucky and managed to get the visa of my wife early) returned to USA.

                 My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice a week & sometimes 3 times a week as she also had to call her parents. Our saving started diminishing. After two more years we had kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they could see their grand-children. Every year I decide to go to India, but part work, part monetary conditions prevented me. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream.

                  Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and was stuck up in the procedures and thus could not go to India. The next message I got was that my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rites the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents passed away without seeing their grand children. After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA.

                    My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India. My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years. Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA. I decided that enough is enough and wound-up everything and returned to India. I had just enough money to buy a decent Two-bedroom flat in a well-developed locality. Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby place of worship. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode

                     Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have the same, nothing more. I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM. Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking Am I alright. Well at least they remember me. Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will be performing my last rites. God Bless them. But the question still remains 'was all this worth it? I AM STILL SEARCHING FOR AN ANSWER......

Note: This was not written by me. I received it through a mail from my friend. All credits duly go to the original AUTHOR.

What Goes Around Comes Back Around

I read this story from Panchatantra. Found it really interesting and immediately decided to write about it. It may not be narrated in the same way as the original one, but I will try to present it in the best way I can. Even some extra bits might be added to the story.;-)

            There once lived a Mouse king and its Kingdom. He had a son who was destined to become the King later. This little mouse had another little female mouse as a friend. They were very fond of each other. They always played together. One such beautiful day they were playing in the jungle. A hawk which was flying high in the sky happened to notice them. It then suddenly dived sharply towards them. Noticing this, the two mice started running to save their lives. But they were no match to the hawk’s speed. The hawk with its searing speed caught hold of the female mouse.

            It started to rise up again in the sky. The female mouse struggled to loosen itself from the vice-like grip of the hawk. But it was impossible. While crossing over the Ganga, the hawk tried to change the mouse from its one claw to the other. But it lost its grip and dropped the mouse while flying.

            The mouse which started to free fall from the sky, fell into the cupped hands of great sage Yajnavalkya who was performing his ablutions in the Ganga river. By the combined power of the great sage and the holy water in his hand the mouse was transformed into a baby girl. The sage took the child to his home and asked his wife to raise her as their daughter.

            The child grew up to be a beautiful girl. When she reached adolescence Yajnavalkya decided to marry her off. He planned to arrange the most excellent marriage for her. 

He first summoned the sun-god Surya, who appeared at his ashram. But the girl thought he was too blazing hot (Not in contemporary sense..:P). Yajnavalkya asked the sun if there was anyone greater than him. Surya recommended the cloud, because the cloud could cover his rays.

            When the cloud came, the girl deemed him too black and cold. The cloud was asked if there was anyone greater than him. He suggested the mountain, who alone could stop his progress.

            When the mountain came before the sage, the girl said he was too rough and stony. And the mountain, when asked, recommended the king of Mice as his superior, because he and the other mice made holes in him.

            When the king of Mice was called, the girl fell head over heels in love with him. She immediately agreed, thrilled with ecstasy. But they had a problem; he was a mouse while she was a human. So she asked her dad to transform her into a mouse. She was transformed, they were married and they lived happily ever after.

              Now that was an amazing story. But stories from Panchatantra always gave us a moral. When I started to think about the moral, I came across not one but many.

1)      No matter how well you bring up a pig, it will go back to eat the Potty.

2)      Love is blind, irrespective of the species.

3)      Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. But many a times they need an Eye check-up.

4)      Girls are dumb at times. She could have easily asked the mouse to be transformed into a Human.

5)      Child marriage was predominant in India, right from the time we could ever imagine.

6)      Destiny is such a Bitch. It will pull you down when it wants no matter how high you are.

7)      And last but not the least, “What goes around comes back around”…

P.S – The above points were entirely for the sake of fun. Do not take it too seriously. And Panchatantra is a book of such pride for the rich Culture and Heritage that we have got. I would like to ask every one of you to read it at least once in your lifetime..:-)

How to make a masala Telugu Film

Now. Everyone would have gone through a moment where, when you were watching a movie you would have thought what if you were a character in that movie, how would you have reacted to that situation, what kinda decision you would have taken, how happy or sorrow you would have felt, how perfect your pair would have been if it were you, how you would have fought or how you would thought. For few of those who sink their legs even deeper you go on thinking how you would have choreographed, or written a dialog, or composed music or directed a movie.

            For the past few days I have been watching a lot of movies at theater. Particularly Telugu movies. Two theaters in the vicinity of your home and colorful posters on all the walls, you are bound to be tempted. And being the person that I am, you wouldn’t wonder at that. But due to the overdose and the quality of the movies I have been watching, I seriously started to contemplate whether I could make one and also be successful at it.

            You may start to wonder whether I’m kidding here. But no. I’m real serious. After-all its not that difficult. And after watching so many movies (telugu) right from my childhood, I think I have gained enough knowledge or expertise to make one. Its like how you learn to cook. All you need are right ingredients and a thorough knowledge of when to add what. So here I will explain to you how to make one, a-la cookery style.

Preparation Time– Anywhere between 1month to 1yr, sometimes even more.

Right time to prepare – All round the year but depends on the availability of funds and Superheroes.

Right time to serve – Again all round the year but extra special if served during festivals and national holidays.

Duration of the movie – Normally around 150 mins.

Ingredients – Now this is the most crucial part in the process. You get this right and you are bound to taste success.

1) Songs – Anywhere between 4-8, usually 6 in number. The 1^st one is usually an intro for our superhero and the last one an item number. The other four are usually dream sequences in any of the exotic locales on any phoren land (a strict NO-NO to India) or grand colorful set. Or any combination of the above two. And occurrences are to your choice, mostly when the audience least expect them.

2) Fights – Now this is another important ingredient. If songs are the salt in the masala then this has got to be the chilli/pepper in it. Atleast a minimum of three, the more powerful our superhero is, more the number. Styles range from Kung-fu, karate, kick-boxing, muay-thai to silambam, kusthi, sword-fighting to slapping the villain if it’s a female. Sequences usually involve breaking bones, wind shields of cars, roadside shops, blowing up buildings, cars.

Chase sequences – I will not list this as a separate ingredient, but a subsidiary of fights. Usually involves villain chasing the Superhero and ‘Damsel in distress’ or Heroine in the beginning and vice versa in the climax. May have just running on legs to being chased by 100 Tata Sumos.

3) Comedy – It’s another important ingredient. Varies from few scenes to the entire length of the movie. Usually not associated to the story of the movie and sometimes run parallel with it. Performed by the comedy artists like Brahmi, Ali, Venu, Sunil, Thanikela Bharani and others. Sometimes few of them and many times all of them. During few cases our Superhero too contributes to the act.

Sidekicks – Like Chase sequences are to fights so are Sidekicks to comedy. Sometimes comedians themselves serve this purpose. They are basically used to praise our Superhero and support him, help him in his love and DIE to bring out the hidden animal (usually Lion) in our hero. And there are sidekicks to the villain too. They are used to shout at high decibels, wield weapons (machetes and axes, strictly no guns) and keep traveling in Tata Sumos, kidnap Heroine and runaway when villain is going to be killed. They are usually heavily built, sport long hair, handle bar mustache and beard when compared to Superhero’s sidekicks who are short, fat and are easily beaten up by children and other people.

4) Location – Most of the times the story takes place in Rayalaseema which essentially means Kurnool and Kadapa. Nowadays even Bellary (my hometown :-)) is included which is in Karnataka but they consider it theirs.

5) Villain – Another important ingredient. Cant do without him. Smart, handsome, powerful, rich, and fearless. Sometimes easily confused to be the Superhero if not shown killing people, raping women, beating children, wearing too much jewellery and driving black Scorpios (sometimes BMWs, Audis and Mercedes). Usually wears Silk shirts and white pants but in few cases known to wear designer Suits.

6) Damsel in distress aka Heroine – May not be considered as an essential ingredient but still the presence is required. May not contribute significantly to story. Most of the presence is seen in the songs wearing dresses which reveal more than what they cover. Many a times daughter of the villain or will be chased and loved by him. Always beautiful (read while sleeping, while waking up in the morning, while bathing, while being chased by villain and his goons). Well-educated, mostly rich, egoistic and mainly, wouldn’t have loved anyone till she meets our Superhero. In few instances more than one in number, requirements matching the testosterone levels of our Superhero. Usually one of them dies or sacrifices our Superhero for the sake of other. And sometime all three live happily together saying 'Awesome threesome'.

7) Superhero – Mind it. He can fly, he can leap over tall buildings, run atop moving trains and move the standing ones just with dialogs (Jai Channakesava..!! ;-)), evade bullets or even stop them a-la Matrix style, stop machetes and other sharp weapons and bend them with his bare hands, kicks asses of 100 badies in a single blow, challenge villain at his home, slide a horse below a truck and ride a car over it. He is a loving son to his parents, protective brother to his siblings, helpful friend, honest citizen, charming lover and a great leader. He never promises anything and never goes back on his word if he ever promises. He can dance to any tune, perform steps that can put Chinese gymnastics to shame. Kill goons with his bare hands, no others can hit him on-target and he will never miss a target. Deliver a page length dialog in a single breath. With all this ability he is no more a Hero. He is a SUPERHERO.

Procedure – This is what is called as the Story. But there’s a Twist in the story. Basically there is no story at all. Yes no story what so ever. Lets do some mathematics now.

6 songs of 5 minutes each                      = 30 mins

3 Fights sequences of 10 mins each        = 30 mins

Comedy track in the story                       = 30 mins

Scenes showing Villain’s evilness           = 10 mins

Scenes showing Heroine’s beauty           = 10 mins

Scenes showing Superhero’s heroism

from different angles                               = 10 mins

Scenes where our Superhero delivers

message to 'The society'                          = 10 mins

Scenes where our hero romances or

Saves our ‘Damsel in distress’                 = 10 mins

Total                                                      = 140 mins

            So you are left with 10 mins of void, which is normally filled with a Flash-back where the villain kills our Superhero’s parents and his family. Or our Superhero and our Heroine get separated during childhood, who then meet after 18yrs. Or he is a orphan, therefore goes in search of his parents. Or becomes a billionaire from a broke (usually shown in a song). Steals from the rich (read villain) and donates them to the orphanage and hospitals which treats the poor. Or take a rebirth to fulfill the tasks which he left unfulfilled in the last life. Or unite the families of his lady love which are separated. And many other such things. Usually any one this is used or a combination of more than one is used to fill the void.

            So there you go. My simple guide to prepare, oops sorry, Make a Masala Telugu Film. Hope you find it helpful…:-)

MEDICAL CHECK-UP

Before you start reading this post I must warn you to stop reading it. Yes. If you reading any further be ready to read things which are GROSSER than those you have ever read. If you are a girl, thats it. Do not read any more. If you are less than 18yrs of age, again thats it. No reading this.

Enough with the build-up. I have induced enough curiosity for you to read further. Its human nature to do things which are told not to be done. And yes, I know you are a girl and you still reading this(If you are a boy, ignore this sentence). Now lets go to the actual topic.

I’m about to join a new company in a few days. This company asked me to get a medical check-up done before I joined them. They mentioned the list of clinics and hospitals where I can get this done. I happened to go through the list of tests that I needed to take. The list itself somewhat made me sick. So many test, and you had to clear all of them. Come on, you can’t expect a person to answer all the questions in an exam, correctly. You are bound to fail in few.

So I and another friend decided to go the evening before the day of check-up and inform them that we would be coming the next day. So that we don’t get anything wrong. We informed the concerned guy about our plan. He told us what we needed to do. No food intake for 10-12hrs, no smoking or consumption of alcohol during this period and be there tomorrow by 8am. He then gave us two plastic containers. Now I started to wonder what was the second container for. So I asked him, “Why two containers..?” like an innocent little girl. He said “One for urine and one for stool” (for few of you educated illiterates stool here is not something you sit on. Its your shit). And I was like “What..?” For that he just answered, “Your number1 and number 2. And don’t forget, bring your 1st sample”. Ya we are Indians and we wash our shit off our ass with our hands, but thats no reason why I shouldn’t feel gross about this.

It was the second grossest thing I have heard or conversed about shit. The 1st one being, when my grandma says, “I used to wash your ASS after you shit when you were young”. They say it with such pride and authority in front of dozen of your friends and relatives. And you can do nothing but give one of those stupid smiles.

Even before I could get out of the grossness of the things that I just heard I was in for another shock. My friend told me that, one of his friends who had to take similar test had to pull down his pants so that the doctor could check his NUTS (I had warned you). That thing just blew my mind away. Now what has the company got to do with my huts.? I’m gonna work using my head not my nuts..!! They had absolutely no business with my nuts. So I decided, there is no way I’m gonna pull down my pants. Never. There is no way I’m going to let another man handle my nuts.

So I went the next day with my 1st samples. I had to wait for my blood test. There were lots of people. When I say lot, it was lot. One by one everyone went in to let their blood be sucked. After my blood was sucked, I went for X-ray, then ECG, then Ultrasound. All others went through the same procedure with an extra task of getting their first samples. Yes, others who came directly to the clinic on that day were asked to get their samples in the clinic itself. How I thanked myself for coming the previous evening. It was kinda funny to watch everyone walk around with their shit and pee in their hands. Not literally of course. Then we were asked to keep our samples near a counter with our names labeled on it.

While all this was happening one guy had a problem. He was not able to shit. He told the clinic guy about this. But the clinic guy replied like a strict school teacher, “No sir I cant do without your samples. Its OK, take your own time. Have your breakfast and then get me your sample”. I just wondered whether a human digestive system is a pipe or what, put something in the top it comes down right then. I read humans take 7-8hrs to digest their food. Funny guy, I thought. A lady who overheard this had a smile on her face. Looking at her smile I had a smile. Its like one of those moments when your Biology teacher was taking a class on Human Reproduction, and he/she draws a diagram of, well you know, the reproductive parts. And then you and your friend look at each other and smile, irrespective of the gender. Ya. The same kinda thing. You smile not because of the actual thing, but you and your friend had the same thought about that thing.

After this we were asked to go for our breakfast and come back after 1hr for another round of blood sucking. So I had my breakfast and went back after 1hr. I saw the Guy-who-didn’t-get-shit with a broad smile on his face. I assumed that he was able to shit atlast. So I let my blood be sucked once again. Then the clinic guy asked me to come back in the evening to get the Doctor’s consultation.

So I went back in the evening. I had to wait for a long time before the doc called me in. He went through my reports, looked at me, and again went through my reports, then again looked at me. Then he asked me.

Doc – Do you smoke..?
Me – Yes but No. Yes I used to but no, not now.
Doc – Do you consume alcohol..?
Me – Yes. If beer is considered so.
Doc – How often..?
Me – That depends on the frequency of me and my friends meeting.
Doc – Did you have sex in the last 24hrs..?
Me – No. Not even in the last 22yrs.

I wish I answered like this. But my reply was a sincere No to all the above questions. Well, you cant be entirely true always. Isn’t it. So the doc checked my pulse, heartbeat, BP and certified that I was medically fit. And I wasn't needed to pull my pants down(Thank God). All this to tell me which I already knew, that I was “Medically Fit”. It was like telling Rajinikanth that he is a Superstar... :-)

SURPRISE..!!

Vijay, Sowmya and Sunil were sitting at the Blue Moon bar and restaurant.

Vij          - Where’s this Karthik..?
Sowmya - He texted me he would be here in 5 mins.
Sunil       - It’s been 10mins since he texted that.
Sowmya - Its Ok guys. He might have got stuck in the traffic.
Vij          - Ido paar’ra. Enna avnuku support ah..! (Don't try to support him, ok!)
Sowmya - Oye. Enna sound rise aagudu(Hey. Don’t raise your voice). I have your dad’s number. Should I tell him where you are now..?
Vij          - Sowmi, that's a beautiful dress you are wearing.
Sowmya - Adanguda..!! (Don't overact)
Sunil       - Guys, he’s the one who is treating us. He should have been here before us.
Sowmya - Ok we shall order some drinks till he comes.
Sunil       - Why is he treating us..?
Vij          - He said it’s a surprise.
Sowmya - I think he might have got a pay hike or promotion. He was talking about it last time.
Vij          - Life na avandu(His’ is life). AC cabin, company car and 12 out of 22 in his team are females. Avanukku engayo maccham irukku(He’s got a mole somewhere-means a Lucky person).
Sowmya - Ada chi. (You cheap)
Vij         - What chi..? Your parents will search a groom for you. He would be earning so much that he could retire even before your children would go to Kinder-Garten. But me. I have my problems. Already I have to wear a cap to hide my sottai(baldness), kannu vere mangala theriyudu(eye sight is getting blurry), if 3yrs go by, it would be a waste even if I marry.
Sunil       - Hey Sowmi, aama when is your marriage.?
Sowmya - Guys I have got a good career going. Why to spoil it just to sit at home and cook for some guy. I’m in no urgency to get married. But mom keeps on pestering me.
Vij          - Then tell your mom that you are seeing someone and need time to tie the knot.
Sowmya - Then mom would ask me to bring him home. Where should I go for this 'Imaginary Boy-friend'.?
Vij          - Idho namba Sunil irukaru la. (We have Sunil right here). Take him with you as your boy-friend.
Sunil       - Dai, inna nakkala..? (Hey, are you making fun of me.?)
Sowmya - That I cant.
Vij          - Why..?
Sowmya - Because I have told my mom that he is GAY.
Sunil       - What..?? Gay..?? Me..?? ………..but Why..??
Sowmya - Or else how do you expect my parents to send me out with you so many times, that too so late at night some times.
Vij         - (laughing) Super. Pootuko..(Give me an Hi-five)
Vij         - (laughing)Dai Sunil, who is your boy friend da..? Hey Sowmi, whom did you say his boy-friend is to your parents.?
Sowmya - (*Wicked smile*)
Vij          - What..? Naana(me)..? Is this why your mom was asking me whether I know how to cook and wash and all..?
Sunil       - Ippo pootuko.(Now give me an Hi-five)
Vij          - I’m gonna kill you.
.
.
.
Karthik   - Hey guys.. Wassup..??
Vij          - Vaada. Romba seekirama vandutte. (Come man. You have come so early)
Karthik   - Sorry da. Too much traffic.
Vij          - We too came by the same road, and we know how much traffic there is.
Karthik   - So are you guys ready for the surprise..?
Vij          - Dai wait. There’s some serious question going-on on my manhood. I have to put an end to this right here right now.
Karthik   - What..??
Sowmya - So how are you planning to end it..?
Vij          - I’m gonna get a girl-friend right here right now.
Sowmya - Seriously..? Well, then look at her. I think she’s perfect for you.
Vij          - If she crops her hair and wears a shirt and pant she would perfectly look like a man. May be you can use her as your Imaginary boy-friend.
Sunil       - Ava(Her).?
Vij          - Dei, en range ku soldra.(Hey, suggest someone of my range)
Karthik   - Dho andha figure..? (What about that chick..? )
Vij          - Machan nee dhan da en Friend.(Buddy, you are my friend). Super figure da. Homely face, sexy structure and good sense of fashion. Figure na iddhan figure.
Also she is standing alone and seems lost in the crowd, which means she doesn't have a boy-friend.
Karthik   - I don’t think so.
Vij          - What..??
.
.
.
Karthik   - Just a moment.
.
.
.
Karthik   - Guys, this is Smitha, my fiancée. Smitha, this is Sowmya, Sunil and Vijay, my friends. This is my Surprise.
.
.
.
Vij          - (In his mind) Nejamaave Gay’a maaranum poola irukke. (Seems like I have to become a Gay for real)

BEHIND THE GLASS WINDOW

It’s June 6 and well past 4 in the evening. Felt the cool breeze through the glass window that was just open. Even though it was pleasant, it was quite disturbing. So got up to close it completely, but I instead opened it a bit more. Cos it was raining heavily. And it was Bliss to watch.

               Rain does bring out emotions in us, some people feel rain to be romantic, while few feel lonely, few feel depressed and low, and few feel happy. But it sure does arouse human feelings, a wide range of feelings.

               I had a rather strange feeling, a feeling of déjà vu. Not quite the one you would expect while raining. As though I already awaited this moment. It was more pleasant than the cool breeze and even more disturbing. Pleasant because I somehow knew this would happen, disturbing because it happened the exact same way I thought it would happen.

               The previous year during the same time I stood on the balcony of my college hostel, staring at the roads below long lost to the What-would-I-be-doing-next-year-this-time thoughts while it was RAINING. It was then I thought, I could be sitting in an Office, doing work which made no sense to what I have studied and may be not even noticing if its sunny or windy or raining. And here I stood doing the exact same thing. If it weren’t for the ‘Just opened window’ and the ‘Cool breeze’, I would have in all probability not noticed the rain too.

                Rain for me signifies Life, it just emanates so much Life. But I felt Lifeless, bound inside a cubicle behind the Glass window. All I could do was, get a cup of Hot Coffee and write a blog. By the time I finished writing this the coffee went cold and tasted Bitter, so did I, and my Memories…

Rajesh calling Rajesh

Rajesh entered the bar, and started looking around. He was searching for a place to settle down. The bar was a little crowded. It was June 1st, first day of the month, salary day, most of the men were enjoying the day they felt like a King. All the tables were occupied with people who knew each other. At last he found a table at the corner of the bar with only one person sitting. He quickly went and occupied the opposite chair.

He carried a black plastic cover. He emptied the cover and kept everything on the table, A Quarter RC Whiskey, Half liter Sprite, Half pack cigarette and some snacks. He also took out 1Re pickle packet (Oorga packet) from his shirt pocket. Then he found that he forgot the plastic tumbler. He turned around and shouted..

Boss.. Boss..

The bearer came by..

Rajesh- Boss one plastic glass.

Bearer- Ok sir.
Then he turned towards the person sitting opposite to Rajesh and said, “Sir, we don’t have KF strong, only Premium, can I get you K-O strong”.

No, no. Bring me KF premium itself.

The bearer came back with a plastic glass and a KF premium. Then placed them in front of the respective people and went away.

The person opposite Rajesh kept his head bent down and wasn’t looking at anything that was happening. As soon as the bearer disappeared he looked up and started shouting.

“Hey.. Hey my side dish”.

The bearer never heard it.

Rajesh after looking at this, “Hello boss, you can take mine”.

“No. Its ok”, came the reply.

“Paravala boss, you can return when you get yours, anyhow he’s not coming back to our table anytime soon, its too crowded today, so lots of customers to look after. Also the beer tastes bitter if its not cold”.

After thinking for a while he accepts it. He then pours the beer into the mug, producing too much froth in the process.

Rajesh- “First time”..?

“Yes, how do you know?”

Rajesh- “That’s not the way to pour the beer into the mug”.

“I never thought I would be drinking. Never in my life”

Rajesh- “So what makes you drink now”.

He kept quite, looking down.

Its ok. You need not tell if it’s personal.

“Nothing personal boss, ellam Love failure dhan”

Rajesh- “Nowadays I don’t know if boys fail in academics or not, but they certainly fail in love”

“You don’t know boss, it was 3yrs’ love”.

Rajesh- “So what happened...? Did she dump you, or did her parents come to know, or did her brother warn you or did you fight and got separated by yourself..?”

He looked at Rajesh’s face for a while and kept quite again.

Rajesh- “Enna aachi boss. Why silent again..?”

He looked back at Rajesh again and said, “Tomorrow is her marriage”.

Rajesh- “Oh, American mapillai aa..? Inda ponnungale ippadi dhan boss. Nambave koodadu” (All girls are the same. Should never trust them.)

“No boss. She wasn’t like that. Family pressure. So she couldn’t do anything”.

Rajesh- “All the girls are sincere only, until their family comes to know”

“No boss. You can’t understand my feeling”.

Rajesh- “Do you know its been 2yrs since I drank. You know why..? B’coz I promised my girlfriend I won’t drink”.

“So why are you drinking now..?”

Rajesh- “ En girlfriend ennna vittutta, na avalukku panna promise'a vittutaen”.(My girlfriend left me and I left the promise I made her)

“Did she leave you..? Why..?”
Rajesh- “Same as your case. Her parents saw her an American mapillai, and she doesn’t intend to hurt her parents. So she decided to marry the American mapillai and dump this Made-in-India. Yours is just 3yrs, but my girlfriend accepted my love after 3yrs of roaming behind her, then 4yrs of roaming with her. Total 7yrs investment of time, money and energy waste. I didn’t even hug her in these seven years, not even once. Have you ever hugged your girlfriend..?”

“She kissed me once when I gifted her an iPhone”

Rajesh- “Lucky guy, you at least got that. For all the love she had on me, she came to me one day and gave me her wedding card, and dropped two drops of tears. That’s it. Two drops of tears for my 7yrs of time, money and energy. She didn’t hug me even when she left me. And told me that I will still be her Best Friend. Nalla vele, she didn’t tell me that I will be her Brother. And the interesting thing is my girlfriend’s marriage is also tomorrow”.

“I’m sorry”.

Rajesh- “Vidunga boss. Why should you feel sorry”?

“It was nice talking to you, I would like to keep in touch with you, can I get your number”..?

Rajesh- “Sure. My name is Rajesh and my number is *******142”.

“My number is also the same, except the last digit, mine’s *******144”.

Rajesh- “My girlfriend bought me this number”

“Mine too”.

Both looked shocked.

Rajesh- “Is your girlfriend from Vidya Nagar?”

“Did your girl friend study at St.John’s College?”

Rajesh- “Is your girl friend’s father’s name Shanmugam?”

“Is your girl friend’s birthday tomorrow?”

And in a single voice they said, “Is your girlfriend’s name Geetha and her number *******143?”

Both fell dead silent.

The bearer comes back and asks, “Anything more sir?”

Rajesh’s mind voice, “Adicha beer'a erangidichi, inga vandhu moru soru'ntu.”(No translation please.!!)

“No, thanks” said the person opposite Rajesh.

Rajesh- “Ellarum friends aayittu bar ku varuvaanga, but naambo bar ku vanduttu friends aayirukkom”(Others become friends and come to bar, but we have become friends after coming to bar)

The other person then stands and starts to leave.

Rajesh- “Boss, aren’t you drinking?”

“No boss, I don’t feel like drinking”

Rajesh- “Boss, you didn’t tell me your name”

“RAJESH”

Rajesh’s mind voice- “Girlfriend dhan same nu nenacha, paer’rum same’aa?”
(I thought, just our girlfriends were same, but even our names.??)

Kalyanamam Kalyanam

And here comes a post after little more than a year. It wasn’t as if I had more important things to do than writing a blogpost, or nothing exciting happened in my life. Actually I had the most exciting year of my life in 2010. But its mainly due to the... ummm, u know, the so called laziness. So why all of a sudden now this enlightenment.? Nothing much. Lots of free time at office and home, creative overflow, boredom of having the same routine everyday and a marriage coming up shortly.

Wait..

Did I mention “MARRIAGE” at the end..??

Yes..!! That’s what this post is all about. The Eternal Unification of two human souls, who from then promise to be at each others’ side at all times. Sharing their happiness, sorrows, secrets, feelings, worries, excitement, rooms, beds…. O oh.. Oops sorry.. But isn’t it true. Marriage is truly an Eternal unification of two human body and soul. I feel that marriage is like getting oil and water work together. Which is rather impossible. But if the same water is mixed with kadalai maavu applied to molaga and put into boiling oil, they produce such tasty “Molaga Bajji” (pat on back). Ya that is what marriage is about, not just accepting one’s best side but adjusting to their worse side and living together in harmony.

Enough with explaining about marriage. Naa inna Marriage counselor ah..? It all started when Manju called me one nice n lazy Sunday afternoon.

*Vibrate* *Vibrate* *Vibrate* *Vibrate*(my cell’s always on silent n vibrate mode)…

Me      - Soldra Manju (Tel me Manju)
Manju  - Eppadi da irukke (How r U..?)
Me      - Ade dhan da, summa TV paathukittu vettiya dhan irukkaen. (The same thing, just watching TV n getting wasted)
Manju - Apparam innakki velaikki pogalaya..? (Then didn’t u go to work today..?)
Me     - Dei bodhai la irukkiya enna, innaikki Sunday da. (Are you high or what? Its Sunday today)
Manju - Aama la. Konjam tension la irunden adhan marandu poochi. (Ya right. I forgot that in the tension)
Me     - Dai nee poora pooke sariya ille, enakku eedo doubt’aa irukku. Ok edukku itthanai naala call panla. (I don’t feel right about the way you are acting. Ok, why didn’t you call for so many days?).
Manju - Ungalukku ella oru shocking news kudukalaam nu dhan da ivvalavu naala call panle. (Want to give you people a shocking news. That’s why didn't cal you guys for so many days).

James Bond BGM

Me      - Dai ennaikki un Kalyanam..? (Hey, when is your marriage..?)
Manju  - Vekkam, maDam, Naanam kalandha oru sirippu. (*Blushes*).
Me      - (in shock) Dei nijamava da. Enna vechhi edhum comedu kemidy pannaliye.? (Is it true. You are not fucking around with me, are you..?)
Manju  - Ippo dhan da confirm pannanga, udane unakku cal pannitaen (Just now they confirmed, and I immediately called you.)

I don't know why, but I felt like I was being invited for my friend’s child marriage. I always feel that I have not grown enough, both physically and mentally. And I felt the same about all my friends. But now... Suddenly one of the child is getting married. Kadavule... Indha aniyayatthe keekka yaarum illaya.. The innocence is lost at such an early age. From now how can I call him at 11 or 12 in the night, how can I call him for a drink, would he smoke with us(Dum adikardu een pondatikku pidikale da, adhan vittutaen nu sonna), he has to ask his wife’s permission if he has to come out with us, and return back by 8pm(naanga kelambarde 7.30 ku dhan), he wont come to movies with us, b’coz he has to take his wife to the same movie, kutti sevuru mela ukkandu kittu ponnungale sight adikka mudiyuma..? Aiyahoo.. (Soodhanai mel soodhanai podhum-mada saami).

Manju - Dei.. Dei.. enna aachi..? (Hey, are you there..?)
Me     - (shaking off the thoughts from head) Onnum illa da, Eppadi irunda nee eppadi aagapoore nu nenachi paathenda. (Nothing, was just wondering whats gonna happen to you.)

Me     - Ponnu enda ooru, enna padichiruku, enna pannikittu irukku, avanga family eppadi.. (Then which place does the girl belong to, what is her qualification, what is she doing, what about their family..?)
Manju - Ponnu Shimoga da, BA complete panni irukku, ippo edo computer course pannikittu irukkam. Naa innum ponnu kitte sariya pesale da. (Girl’s from shimoga, has completed her BA and doing some computer course now. I haven’t spoken to the girl much.)
Me     - appo ippo call panni peesu. (Then call her now.)
Manju - Ava number en kitte illa da. Confirm aana pinne naane cal pandren nu sonna (I don’t have her no. She said that she will call herself once the alliance is fixed.)

Now I accept.. Girls are more mature and smart than boys(should I mention men and women..?)

Me     - Sari number kedache apparam call panni paesu da. (Cal her once you get the number).
Manju - Ok da.
Me     - Aama ponnukku neraya friends irukkangala..? (Has the girl got many friends..?)
Manju - Another “Vekkam, maDam, Naanam kalandha oru sirippu”.. Naa ketuttu soldren (Again *Blushes*, will ask her and let you know)
Me     - sari yallarukkum sollitiya..? (Have you informed others?)
Manju - Illa da inimel dhan sollanum. (No, I’m yet to inform others).
Me      - Sari appo nee matthavangalukku cal panni inform pannidu. (Ok then. Caln others and inform them too).
Manju  - Ok da.
Me      - Dai.. (5 sec pause) Congrats da…
Manju  - Yet another “Vekkam, maDam, Naanam kalandha oru sirippu”.. (Again *Blushes*)..

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*(Sound on my mobile phone, nothing censored here..:P)

So guys that’s it. My friend is gonna tie the knot on 6th March and enter the next stage of life “The Grahasta”. Therefore I pray to the Almighty to bless the little couple and shower them with all the happiness in the world. And pray that he have a happy life like the one he had till now and never ever in his life, get beaten up by his wife. –Amen

To the Bride- “Amma, enga kannaye un kitte oppadikirom, adule naanga verum aananda kanneeradhan paakanum”

And we got to know that the Bride has got a lot of friends. That too good-looking ones.. Aiyaa jolly...

Bye Bye...