The Female Repellant.

        Now don't misunderstand the title. This post is anything but Sexist or Chauvinistic. To be precise, this post is about my misfortune with the fairer sex. About me being the guy who is exact opposite to a 'Chick-Magnet'. Ok, may be not that worse, but bad nonetheless. I have a strong belief that, during my formative weeks in my mother's womb, the God sprayed me with a 'Female repellant' potion after He had a heated argument with His better half(again, don't consider me to be a sexist for considering God to be a He). So that there would be at least one unfortunate soul to look and laugh at during His grumpy times. There it began. after I was born, a long journey of a small babbling baby to a squabbling school kid, then to boyhood and till adulthood. All the way wondering where and what went wrong. You see, I have a major 'Foot in Mouth' syndrome, ONLY around women. Speaking things I shouldn't be speaking, asking things that I shouldn't be asking and telling them things I shouldn't be telling.

Enough with all the build up. Now let me share 3 incidents from my life and let you decide for yourself if I'm being unreasonable in believing in this Female repellant theory.

The Girl with the Old Tiffin box
This incident happened in my primary school days, when the transition period of my-parents-getting-my-lunch-box-in-the-afternoon to me-carrying-my-own-lunch-box-in-the-morning was happening. At that time I used to sit with my cousins, their friends whom I didn't know and another mutual friend(girl) lets call her B, to have my lunch with. The process of having lunch usually goes very smoothly, with some chitter-chatter and sharing of food among all of us(which I used to hate by the way). B was usually the most chatty among all of us. Going on and on about how a boy licked off his phlegm in the class to how a cow stomped away the gobbi in front of their house. She just would never shut up. During one such day when her 2 compartment aluminum tiffin box with slide lock got stuck, I helped her in opening it. While we were having lunch, she would not keep quite and kept on talking about all the things that shouldn't be spoken while having food. So to change the topic, I asked her, "B, why don't you bring a different tiffin box. Something which is easier to open". Then she started, "You know, this is my favorite tiffin box. My granddad bought it for my mom. She used it when she went to school. Later my akka(elder sister) used it when she went to school. Now I'm using it". And she went on about its history. Unbearable, I interrupted her saying, "Oh great, when you get married and have kids, pack their lunch in the same box". There was a moment of silence and then everyone guffawed. And I knew, I made myself an enemy for life. Next day, she was missing in the lunch group. Second day, my cousins stopped coming. Third day, I was sitting alone during lunch. Fourth day, I got a new lunch group. And this time it was all boys. :D

Girls..?? Where are they..??
This happened during college. After lot of experience on how not to talk with women. I concluded that, the problem occurred whenever I talked with girls. So my brilliant mind told me that, "No talking, no problem". Therefore I decided to stop creating problems for myself. It was not like I completely stopped talking to girls, or ran away from them. It was more of a formal conversation. Reply them, when they asked me something. I wasn't afraid of them or hated them. I was just being cautious. And it was going on this way. One fine day in college when we were in the lab performing some experiment, this girl, who was standing beside me while I was trying to figure out what I was doing, asked me, "Srikanth, I never saw you talking with any girls in our class. Why is that..??" Now, I'm the kind of person who when posed with an unwanted or uncomfortable question, replies with a tinge of humor and sarcasm so that I can evade the actual question. So me being me. And that being an unwanted question. I stood up, turned towards her with a serious and surprised look and asked her, "Girls..?? In our class..?? Where are they..??" And I don't remember if she ever spoke to me again.

Block You..!!
Ah. This incident is one of my favorite. This happened few months back. I have a Facebook profile. And I had this girl from my college as one of the friends in my friend's list. I, many a times share some uncanny things like, how an ejaculation is the fastest data transfer with 1587GB transferred in about 3 seconds as each DNA consists 37.5MB of data. No, I'm not a pervert. I even like and comment on those stupid posts and pics so that fb will donate millions to poor children in some African nations. I'm a good guy, mind you. And when I post statuses, they are usually my own. I don't Ctrl+c Ctrl+v them. And when I do that, I duly credit it to the original source. See, I told you I was a good guy. Any way I digress. Coming to the original point. One day I put up a status saying, "Champions are those people, who build the bridge to success with the stones thrown at them". Yeah, nothing great, I know. But this girl liked the status and commented "Superlyk..:)". And again, me being me, liked her comment, and put up a comment below hers saying, "^^For more such knowledge contact me on Friday and Saturday nights..;-)". Obviously what I meant was, I'm at my philosophical best when I had some CH₃CH₂OH in my system. After a while another friend of mine commented on the status. So I opened the notification, expecting to see the third comment. But there were only two. Her comment was missing. Thinking it was a bug, I refreshed the page. Voila, her like was gone. Amused, I searched her name. Nothing came up. Then it struck me. She has blocked me. She fucking blocked me. From liking and commenting on my status to blocking me, in less than 2 mins. I bet no one can beat that record.

And there it is. 3 examples from 3 different stages of my life. From all these experiences I came to a conclusion that, either they were too sensitive or I was very insensitive. And being the gentleman that I am, I told myself that I have a misplaced sense of humor inside that clumsy brain of mine. And these 3 were not the only experiences based on which I came up with the theory. No. Nononononono no. There are numerous other examples and instances. As this post has already gone too long and for the fear of bricks being thrown at me and defamation and harassment cases being filed against me, I'm not not sharing them here. Also sincerely hoping that all those three girls would never read this post. Now go ahead and tell me if I'm wrong in believing in my theory. Hmpf.