Rajesh calling Rajesh

Rajesh entered the bar, and started looking around. He was searching for a place to settle down. The bar was a little crowded. It was June 1st, first day of the month, salary day, most of the men were enjoying the day they felt like a King. All the tables were occupied with people who knew each other. At last he found a table at the corner of the bar with only one person sitting. He quickly went and occupied the opposite chair.

He carried a black plastic cover. He emptied the cover and kept everything on the table, A Quarter RC Whiskey, Half liter Sprite, Half pack cigarette and some snacks. He also took out 1Re pickle packet (Oorga packet) from his shirt pocket. Then he found that he forgot the plastic tumbler. He turned around and shouted..

Boss.. Boss..

The bearer came by..

Rajesh- Boss one plastic glass.

Bearer- Ok sir.
Then he turned towards the person sitting opposite to Rajesh and said, “Sir, we don’t have KF strong, only Premium, can I get you K-O strong”.

No, no. Bring me KF premium itself.

The bearer came back with a plastic glass and a KF premium. Then placed them in front of the respective people and went away.

The person opposite Rajesh kept his head bent down and wasn’t looking at anything that was happening. As soon as the bearer disappeared he looked up and started shouting.

“Hey.. Hey my side dish”.

The bearer never heard it.

Rajesh after looking at this, “Hello boss, you can take mine”.

“No. Its ok”, came the reply.

“Paravala boss, you can return when you get yours, anyhow he’s not coming back to our table anytime soon, its too crowded today, so lots of customers to look after. Also the beer tastes bitter if its not cold”.

After thinking for a while he accepts it. He then pours the beer into the mug, producing too much froth in the process.

Rajesh- “First time”..?

“Yes, how do you know?”

Rajesh- “That’s not the way to pour the beer into the mug”.

“I never thought I would be drinking. Never in my life”

Rajesh- “So what makes you drink now”.

He kept quite, looking down.

Its ok. You need not tell if it’s personal.

“Nothing personal boss, ellam Love failure dhan”

Rajesh- “Nowadays I don’t know if boys fail in academics or not, but they certainly fail in love”

“You don’t know boss, it was 3yrs’ love”.

Rajesh- “So what happened...? Did she dump you, or did her parents come to know, or did her brother warn you or did you fight and got separated by yourself..?”

He looked at Rajesh’s face for a while and kept quite again.

Rajesh- “Enna aachi boss. Why silent again..?”

He looked back at Rajesh again and said, “Tomorrow is her marriage”.

Rajesh- “Oh, American mapillai aa..? Inda ponnungale ippadi dhan boss. Nambave koodadu” (All girls are the same. Should never trust them.)

“No boss. She wasn’t like that. Family pressure. So she couldn’t do anything”.

Rajesh- “All the girls are sincere only, until their family comes to know”

“No boss. You can’t understand my feeling”.

Rajesh- “Do you know its been 2yrs since I drank. You know why..? B’coz I promised my girlfriend I won’t drink”.

“So why are you drinking now..?”

Rajesh- “ En girlfriend ennna vittutta, na avalukku panna promise'a vittutaen”.(My girlfriend left me and I left the promise I made her)

“Did she leave you..? Why..?”
Rajesh- “Same as your case. Her parents saw her an American mapillai, and she doesn’t intend to hurt her parents. So she decided to marry the American mapillai and dump this Made-in-India. Yours is just 3yrs, but my girlfriend accepted my love after 3yrs of roaming behind her, then 4yrs of roaming with her. Total 7yrs investment of time, money and energy waste. I didn’t even hug her in these seven years, not even once. Have you ever hugged your girlfriend..?”

“She kissed me once when I gifted her an iPhone”

Rajesh- “Lucky guy, you at least got that. For all the love she had on me, she came to me one day and gave me her wedding card, and dropped two drops of tears. That’s it. Two drops of tears for my 7yrs of time, money and energy. She didn’t hug me even when she left me. And told me that I will still be her Best Friend. Nalla vele, she didn’t tell me that I will be her Brother. And the interesting thing is my girlfriend’s marriage is also tomorrow”.

“I’m sorry”.

Rajesh- “Vidunga boss. Why should you feel sorry”?

“It was nice talking to you, I would like to keep in touch with you, can I get your number”..?

Rajesh- “Sure. My name is Rajesh and my number is *******142”.

“My number is also the same, except the last digit, mine’s *******144”.

Rajesh- “My girlfriend bought me this number”

“Mine too”.

Both looked shocked.

Rajesh- “Is your girlfriend from Vidya Nagar?”

“Did your girl friend study at St.John’s College?”

Rajesh- “Is your girl friend’s father’s name Shanmugam?”

“Is your girl friend’s birthday tomorrow?”

And in a single voice they said, “Is your girlfriend’s name Geetha and her number *******143?”

Both fell dead silent.

The bearer comes back and asks, “Anything more sir?”

Rajesh’s mind voice, “Adicha beer'a erangidichi, inga vandhu moru soru'ntu.”(No translation please.!!)

“No, thanks” said the person opposite Rajesh.

Rajesh- “Ellarum friends aayittu bar ku varuvaanga, but naambo bar ku vanduttu friends aayirukkom”(Others become friends and come to bar, but we have become friends after coming to bar)

The other person then stands and starts to leave.

Rajesh- “Boss, aren’t you drinking?”

“No boss, I don’t feel like drinking”

Rajesh- “Boss, you didn’t tell me your name”

“RAJESH”

Rajesh’s mind voice- “Girlfriend dhan same nu nenacha, paer’rum same’aa?”
(I thought, just our girlfriends were same, but even our names.??)

Kalyanamam Kalyanam

And here comes a post after little more than a year. It wasn’t as if I had more important things to do than writing a blogpost, or nothing exciting happened in my life. Actually I had the most exciting year of my life in 2010. But its mainly due to the... ummm, u know, the so called laziness. So why all of a sudden now this enlightenment.? Nothing much. Lots of free time at office and home, creative overflow, boredom of having the same routine everyday and a marriage coming up shortly.

Wait..

Did I mention “MARRIAGE” at the end..??

Yes..!! That’s what this post is all about. The Eternal Unification of two human souls, who from then promise to be at each others’ side at all times. Sharing their happiness, sorrows, secrets, feelings, worries, excitement, rooms, beds…. O oh.. Oops sorry.. But isn’t it true. Marriage is truly an Eternal unification of two human body and soul. I feel that marriage is like getting oil and water work together. Which is rather impossible. But if the same water is mixed with kadalai maavu applied to molaga and put into boiling oil, they produce such tasty “Molaga Bajji” (pat on back). Ya that is what marriage is about, not just accepting one’s best side but adjusting to their worse side and living together in harmony.

Enough with explaining about marriage. Naa inna Marriage counselor ah..? It all started when Manju called me one nice n lazy Sunday afternoon.

*Vibrate* *Vibrate* *Vibrate* *Vibrate*(my cell’s always on silent n vibrate mode)…

Me      - Soldra Manju (Tel me Manju)
Manju  - Eppadi da irukke (How r U..?)
Me      - Ade dhan da, summa TV paathukittu vettiya dhan irukkaen. (The same thing, just watching TV n getting wasted)
Manju - Apparam innakki velaikki pogalaya..? (Then didn’t u go to work today..?)
Me     - Dei bodhai la irukkiya enna, innaikki Sunday da. (Are you high or what? Its Sunday today)
Manju - Aama la. Konjam tension la irunden adhan marandu poochi. (Ya right. I forgot that in the tension)
Me     - Dai nee poora pooke sariya ille, enakku eedo doubt’aa irukku. Ok edukku itthanai naala call panla. (I don’t feel right about the way you are acting. Ok, why didn’t you call for so many days?).
Manju - Ungalukku ella oru shocking news kudukalaam nu dhan da ivvalavu naala call panle. (Want to give you people a shocking news. That’s why didn't cal you guys for so many days).

James Bond BGM

Me      - Dai ennaikki un Kalyanam..? (Hey, when is your marriage..?)
Manju  - Vekkam, maDam, Naanam kalandha oru sirippu. (*Blushes*).
Me      - (in shock) Dei nijamava da. Enna vechhi edhum comedu kemidy pannaliye.? (Is it true. You are not fucking around with me, are you..?)
Manju  - Ippo dhan da confirm pannanga, udane unakku cal pannitaen (Just now they confirmed, and I immediately called you.)

I don't know why, but I felt like I was being invited for my friend’s child marriage. I always feel that I have not grown enough, both physically and mentally. And I felt the same about all my friends. But now... Suddenly one of the child is getting married. Kadavule... Indha aniyayatthe keekka yaarum illaya.. The innocence is lost at such an early age. From now how can I call him at 11 or 12 in the night, how can I call him for a drink, would he smoke with us(Dum adikardu een pondatikku pidikale da, adhan vittutaen nu sonna), he has to ask his wife’s permission if he has to come out with us, and return back by 8pm(naanga kelambarde 7.30 ku dhan), he wont come to movies with us, b’coz he has to take his wife to the same movie, kutti sevuru mela ukkandu kittu ponnungale sight adikka mudiyuma..? Aiyahoo.. (Soodhanai mel soodhanai podhum-mada saami).

Manju - Dei.. Dei.. enna aachi..? (Hey, are you there..?)
Me     - (shaking off the thoughts from head) Onnum illa da, Eppadi irunda nee eppadi aagapoore nu nenachi paathenda. (Nothing, was just wondering whats gonna happen to you.)

Me     - Ponnu enda ooru, enna padichiruku, enna pannikittu irukku, avanga family eppadi.. (Then which place does the girl belong to, what is her qualification, what is she doing, what about their family..?)
Manju - Ponnu Shimoga da, BA complete panni irukku, ippo edo computer course pannikittu irukkam. Naa innum ponnu kitte sariya pesale da. (Girl’s from shimoga, has completed her BA and doing some computer course now. I haven’t spoken to the girl much.)
Me     - appo ippo call panni peesu. (Then call her now.)
Manju - Ava number en kitte illa da. Confirm aana pinne naane cal pandren nu sonna (I don’t have her no. She said that she will call herself once the alliance is fixed.)

Now I accept.. Girls are more mature and smart than boys(should I mention men and women..?)

Me     - Sari number kedache apparam call panni paesu da. (Cal her once you get the number).
Manju - Ok da.
Me     - Aama ponnukku neraya friends irukkangala..? (Has the girl got many friends..?)
Manju - Another “Vekkam, maDam, Naanam kalandha oru sirippu”.. Naa ketuttu soldren (Again *Blushes*, will ask her and let you know)
Me     - sari yallarukkum sollitiya..? (Have you informed others?)
Manju - Illa da inimel dhan sollanum. (No, I’m yet to inform others).
Me      - Sari appo nee matthavangalukku cal panni inform pannidu. (Ok then. Caln others and inform them too).
Manju  - Ok da.
Me      - Dai.. (5 sec pause) Congrats da…
Manju  - Yet another “Vekkam, maDam, Naanam kalandha oru sirippu”.. (Again *Blushes*)..

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*(Sound on my mobile phone, nothing censored here..:P)

So guys that’s it. My friend is gonna tie the knot on 6th March and enter the next stage of life “The Grahasta”. Therefore I pray to the Almighty to bless the little couple and shower them with all the happiness in the world. And pray that he have a happy life like the one he had till now and never ever in his life, get beaten up by his wife. –Amen

To the Bride- “Amma, enga kannaye un kitte oppadikirom, adule naanga verum aananda kanneeradhan paakanum”

And we got to know that the Bride has got a lot of friends. That too good-looking ones.. Aiyaa jolly...

Bye Bye...

Public Smoker...

Before wondering about the title, let me clarify that I'm the unlucky owner of that one. First of all it doesn't make any sense to me. After all everyone smokes in public. In that case theres not much of a private place to smoke either (except the Toilets in few cases). So every place a person smokes becomes public. Well, let me not dig into it much.

             So what did I do to get this title. Well not much. Its a small incidence with a little Stupidity and a lot of Misfortune. And the story goes like dis.....

             It was another normal morning for me, as I always feel while waking up. It was 10 a.m. Little bit early than my routine which has my day starting at 11 or 11:30 a.m. I shook my head and told myself, "Yet another day without BF(Break Fast)". Then like a sheep that follows the herd, I went and eased my pressure, brushed my teeth, washed my face and I headed towards my Misfortune.

             There began my last day of the year(it was 31st Dec 2009). I asked my roomie if he would accompany me, which he, well., rather unwillingly refused. Then I went in search of my Partner-in-Crime. When I couldn't find him, decided to go all by myself. So I came out of hostel, drew 300Rs from the ATM and went there.

Enter "THE HORIZON"..

            Enough with the build-up I think. It was the same Tea stall that we went everyday, lot of times a day. Like Rajini's dialog, we had only one sentence to say, "Anna, eradu half tea, eradu Kings"(Bro, 2 half tea 2 Kings), which on that day became "Anna ondu half tea"(Bro, one half tea), then thought of getting the King(for all those Innocent souls who do not know whats d King here, its a brand of cigarette) later. He gave the tea a little late than usual, then came d remaining part of the dialog, "Anna ond King"(Bro one King). Lit my King, took a puff and let the smoke out after giving it a round trip of my mouth, throat, bronchus n lungs. And then told myself, "No.727". Ya it was my 727th cig, and I counted them without even knowing why I did so.

             Then came all d thoughts, staring at our hostel walls without even blinking. The 1st thought, "5 over, still 1 to go"(I had my last exam on 2nd Jan). Then wondered when should I start studying, From the afternoon..? No way. I'm not a geek. Afternoons are for sleeping. But evenings are for facebooking. Then dinner, then after dinner stroll, then kidding around. So decided to start at 11:00 p.m. All this thoughts were running on my mind with the rhythmic action of Sip the tea, take the puff and let it out. Sip,. Puff,. Ufff... Sip,. Puff,. Ufff... Sip,. Puff,. Ufff... Sip,. Puff,. Ufff... Sip,. Puff,. Ufff... Then empty glass. Had a few more puffs in my cig. Den it was only Puff n Ufff. I dont know whats with the smokers but, we dont let go the cig til its completely finished. It was my last Puff, but before I cud Ufff it, came the "INGLORIOUS BUSTERS".

               He didn't look like the guy that he actually was. But the way he came towards us, I felt there was something wrong. As soon as he came he said, "Do you need only public places to smoke"..? The 1st thought that came to me was that he was some Out-of-mind Fan of Vishnuvardhan, who had passed away on 30th. I began thinking of how am I going to convince them, should I say, "I was very much depressed by the sudden demise of our Sahasa Simha, thats why I was smoking here" or ".....". Before I could think of anything else he said, "Walk with me silently orelse I know how to handle this the Police way". Den I said to myself, "Dude, you are Screwed".....

                But ironically I somehow felt better with being with the cops than some Out-of-mind fans as I previously imagined. Then happened all d drama which somehow enlightened me on many aspects. The others who got caught along with me started giving all kind of excuses and reasons one can possibly think of. But I do not know what was going through my mind, I didn't speak a word. I went with them as though I was going to my In-laws' house. May be thats why they call it "Maamiyaar Veedu" and cops as "Maama"(tamil pun intended).

                As I said, this journey enlightened me on many aspects. First being, the police station doesn't look the way they show in movies. It was just like any other govt office, pics of National leaders, wooden chairs n tables, old files all over the place and lazy employees, only that they had an Uniform. It had all the qualities of a perfect Indian Govt Office. But even with all this I didn't feel anything wrong or the way I would have felt if I were caught smoking in my hostel. I really would have been in trouble that way. Then a guy said to the writer, "Sir I'm getting late for my office, when will you send me..?" To that he replied, "They will just take your details, you pay the fine and can leave". I thought, "If its the money you need couldn't you ask it there itself..?? #()(%@*$"

                 Then somehow even the little anxiety I had was lost. I started enjoying the things around me. I did the Bar counting(again tamil pun intended) of d cell, which were only 6 opposed to 7 as shown in the movies. I recognized that most of the cops use their belts to tuck their over-sized bellies than their pants. The woman constable in station wore a wig and her make-up resembled an artist in a Yakshagana. Also the romantic tit for tats between the writer and another lady constable, it was a sight worth going to police station. And I imagined that my dad would say, "Enga parambare'liye yaarum Police station vasapadiya medhichadu illa. Thuuu" if he ever came to know about this.

                  Then came the truth for the sudden sincerity of our cops. It was Dec 31st and they had to produce a minimum of 1000 cases of Public smoking, 250 thefts and other things. That was the reason for their sudden remembrance of duty. One constable was even saying that Vijayanagar station registered 50 theft cases on a single. They were blaming the system for all this, without realizing that they were all an integral part of it who made it so. After they got the required number of Public smoking cases, 23 to be precise, they left us all out after we paid a donation(its FINE in their language) of 300Rs, 150 for the court and 150 as their service charges(the 300Rs I drew from ATM was destined for this). The funniest thing of all these was, the people who were brought to the station for having tea with their friends who were smoking. Such was the desperation of our Cops in producing records than doing their duty. And I came out and saw that my roomie and Partner-in-crime were waiting outside. Thanks to the tea stall owner who informed them.

All in all it was a great experience. Really.

                  It also reminded me yet again of the Almighty's power. Ya. Every day in my prayers I used to ask Him to give me the will power to quit smoking. At last he gave it to me, but in His own way. With all the twists and turns. What a way for an year to end. With an experience that could be never forgotten and a resolution that had a strong backing.

                So there comes the end to my story and my smoking spree. The count stopped at No.731 on 31st night at 11.50 p.m. Hope it stands there till the end....;-)


P.S: Pardon me for such a lengthy post. But I'm too much into details you see.. [;p] I shall try to be short and sweet from next time.